Tanhayee

Badal gaye hain raste,
badal raha hai karwan,
jo sathi thhe mere jane gaye woh kahaan,
dhoondta hoon koi kahin mil jaye,
do pal sukoon se kaat loon,
phir wapis daud mein shamil hua jaye,
Rukti nahi yeh duniya kisi ke liye,
gham yeh hai ki apne bhi jeete hain duniya ke liye,
Shayad tanhayee hi hamari sathi hai,
Ek yeh toh hai jo hamesha saath nibhati hai

August Rain

August Rain is a weird creature.

Craving for the want of winter and starving from the summer's heat; dithering in the warmth the earth chooses to part with.

But this is the warmth that has given life to her, the reason for her existence.

With its birth it will be the reason of the destruction of its originator.

Ironical it might seem but this is the fate of rain.

Either she chose to live and kill the one who has loved her the most or die causing more pain to summer. Either ways there are sacrifices on both the ends and decisions that will cause loss anyway.

But with her living she will give life to others, the one who has been burned in the wretched agony ,pain and sadness of summer and their unfulfilled love.

So she chooses to live and with it she cries and screams with pain and sorrow.

With each drop touching the earthen soil, the summer breathes his last breadth.

Rain is mourning and sky is creaking but ignorant earth is celebrating of a death of an untold story and an unfulfilled love.

Next year the cycle will repeat again but the story will always be incomplete. The summer will come and he will mourn and crave to see rain again. with the commencement of rain he will breath his last breath. but it’s just that glimpse that he lives and craves for, so that for once and again he can die peacefully in her presence.

So he says "I am not meant for you and you’re not meant for me. But without me you have no existence and without you i have none"

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe

Mumbai chapter: Diary entry 1

Written on 2 April 2011, but couldn't post this earlier due to my usual laziness. My first entry after a long time and first of Mumbai.

Its been over 6 months since i have written something. But today i think god has all the plans to leave me with no option but to write or else get bored and while away time as i have been doing since last more than 5 hours.
2 April 2011, India will remember this date forever as the wait finally ended,thirst finally quenched, when India won the ICC World Cup, the coveted and the most craved treasure. But for me i have a lot of reasons to not to forget it.
The day started with some undesirable sms and phone call which though very evident and obvious was finally send to me making things formally settled. Poor me was not even aware that this is just the beginning and the day will reveal its true colours as the sun will set. With me landing on Mumbai airport, puzzled with the options to where to park myself for the day took a choice or rather was convinced to take a choice which might not be the best of the option. And then the things started getting uglier. Carrying a luggage of around 28 kgs i boarded the local train. The only good thing that happened was that some gentleman offered his service to help me board the train. But seriously speaking the disembarking and climbing bridges really tested my legs and my weight lifting capacity.
Thoroughly tired and soaked in sweat i came to know that the person where i was supposed to stay has no rooms available. To this i laughed and somehow got the clue that yea my boy this is not your day and beware there are still 4 and a half hour left for the day.
Frantically calling people trying to make arrangements for one day led me to choose my friends residence who was on duty in a hotel. Waiting outside wanting desperately to watch the Final, i managed to get hold of an unsecured wireless router on top of the building and saw the last 20 mins of the match. The match ended and the router power went down and the wait started again. With my laptop charge breathing its last breath, it was becoming more and more difficult to while away time.
It was then and as i write my last line the clock ticks 5:00 A.M. The poor guy was rushed by a flurry of people enjoying and celebrating India's win causing the hotel to do an overshift and making me wait till 4:00 A.M. outside, partially sleeping for an hour or so in an unknown taxi asking the taxi owner to have mercy and let me rest for a while.

Mumbai chapter has started with a very intriguing note. I guess the other days are better than this.
Till then Ciao

Who Am I ??

Asked by RD as an assignment of OB but somehow i was so engrossed in writing it that i couldn't stop myself to blog it up here. so here how it goes

“Who am I”, the question seems quite rhetorical, but whenever I am confronted with the question I just couldn’t resist myself to take a plunge into my journey of life and reflect on my deeds, my thoughts and my behaviour. I somehow think one can’t find the answer without self-introspecting and critically examining your life per say.

The answer to the question can be as subjective and can vary in content like the width of an ocean but according to me ”I am what I want to be” more specifically what I would like my reflection to be when confronted to a person/situation. Everybody has an image of a person, some distant mirage of personality, far away, whose characteristics are not clear but we still are awed by his presence. Some give the name as your idol, some say your inspiration but in short it’s just what we want to be. The image of a perfect human being which can be called as humanity personified. The true form of this perfect human being can vary depending on one’s idea/concept/image of his perfect person. Irrespective of his/her true form we are all constantly working till we take our last breath to get closer to the kind of our “perfect human being” we have imagined off.

But I think the above concept is also not true in totality and doesn’t satisfy my inquisitiveness off soul and body and doesn’t give a proper answer to Who am I. The whole question of perfection is somehow looked upon from the perspective of perfection of the outer appearance giving more importance to what people perceive of you or what you think of yourself. The whole idea of soul has not been looked upon. If we are soul and body is just an outer cover then probably process of what I want to be should be looked upon form the point of view of soul and interior upliftment not the perfection of the body. The soul enrichment should be the ultimate aim. And probably the answer to Who am I would start from soul and where it will end, I still have no answer to it.

IIM S - The Beginning Of a Journey

Broken feet, a lonely day and some self-inspiration was all needed to make me write after such a long time. Woah what a couple of months it has been, a total topsy turvy ride. A lot of confusion and finally IIM S was where i was destined to land. The land of abode of clouds, that’s what the name of the place is and quite correctly as clouds one should be if you want to fly high and fulfil your dreams.

It has been just a shy more than 3 weeks but it feels as if i belong to this place. The PGP09 which seemed/acted (:P) like devils in our first week has become more like friends than mentors or seniors. From giving countless suggestions, some gyaan, some more gyaan and lots of gyaan, we have shared a lot of unforgettable moments which will surely go down the memory lane. You won’t find a better bunch of seniors that I have had .A college can’t stand in just one leg so if PGP09 is irreplaceable the PGP10 batch is also as priceless as the other one is. Someone told me that in masters you don’t make real friends as you don’t get the genuine feelings and friendship as you will get in your graduation course. The “competition” is always there. With every moment passing by I’m doubting the statement, his/her college or probably getting assured of the fact that IIM S is unique in its own way. We move together, stay together and care for each other, and that’s what it is which makes the college, the journey truly memorable and we are proud of it. I thank god that I choose IIM S and not opted for any other college as I couldn’t have lived this dream.

The journey has just begun and I have made 94+2+66 friends already. I hope the journey and the end is also as memorable as the beginning has been. Contd in future posts.

P.S.: When I was blogging this post all of my batchmates would be having loads of fun @ cheerapunji L .

Connection

Gosh I think I am truly getting love struck or love deprived ,whatever be the case I cant even figure out now. I mean this will be my second post in a couple of months about love or maybe love I don’t know yet, we will see as the post progresses. Something is really wrong with me.

Somehow in these months and particularly this week I think, I have felt something different about things and moreover about me.

I was just hearing a song from cardigans and i realized that how much the song describes me or my minds stature in particular.

Trying to believe and confide to someone or some special ones was I always used to do. Trying to show my real self to people was I always wanted to do. In the process some got closer than others some dint even bothered. I was sometimes betrayed and was sometimes broken. Stumbling, walking, running and stumbling again but I dint lose hope. Trying to connect .To make someone to see the real me not the reel me, just like "I see you" they say in Avatar, seeing the inner me not the outer appearance was how i used to live.

But eventually i realized all these times I was sometimes treated like an intruder or like a weed or sometimes just a mistake. My efforts were taken for granted and i was a lot of times misunderstood. Finally i gave up and i disconnected with the people, the world and from myself. Probably i dint even know in the first place how to connect or maybe the whole thing in first place was just a mirage. I locked everything inside me and threw them into an abyss.

But somehow from somewhere i don’t know why...probably i know the reason but don’t want to discuss over here i got this urge to untie the strangled emotions and solve the intricacies inside me. I got this urge to connect again with myself. I got this urge to listen to my deep hidden emotions and to react on the same. There was no hope no expectation no feeling just an urge, a pure urge to connect, to express , to let go myself, to tell things ,to know things. I was feeing more like me, more sane and more like myself.

There is a possibility that i can be treated like an intruder again or probably a mistake but i am sure this time i won’t disconnect because i was shown and remembered of something which was long lost and in this realization i experienced unbounded happiness. I was connecting more to my real self and if i can do that i don’t think i would need anybody else for connection as the content of self contentment is the most special emotion far superior that someone else's acknowledgement.